gnarledgerm

Today was super not a study productive day.
Its more like another random day of hall and uni.
This is bad.

So today i did my fitness.
Was supposed to do it at home yesterday but it just started to ran as i was about to begin. So i just did conditioning and damn did my lower back start to ache. Quite bad. Plus it was my usually normal side. Not the already injured one.
Anyhow today was supposed to do fitness with nadrah who was in school. Supposed to do it after my 7pm show but at around 645pm, daohua came tugging my shirt and annoying me to go run with him. And it looked like it was gonna rain! I contemplated so much cos there were so many factors; i wasnt about to run and get stuck in a thunderstorm, i was supposed to meet nad and my 7pm show!!! But anyhow i decided to run. So i ran my runs and it rained just at about the 26th minute. Kinda just nice. Came back to the shelter and like such a good girl, i did my conditioning (:

After all that, i headed up to finish whats left of my 7pm show. Bathed. Came down, chit chat abit and my dearest roomie brought back kfc dinner! Ate dinner and started playing this love-fortune-card-thingy. It was really fun! And yeah, basically played till now. It isnt some hocus-pocus la. To a certain extend there was accuracy which kinda makes me freaky cos for some important relationships, abit tricky situations arose. But anyhoo, all for the fun of it.

Now i'm back.
Supposed to be studying.
Exams is like almost almost tomorrow.
Scaryyyyyy.

Typed a whole chunk the last time but system seemingly screwed up so its all gone.

Well basically, i miss my team terribly.
People i've seen almost everyday the past year, people i've sweat my hearts out with, people i've shared so many special moments with, people who have held my hand through the rise and fall of the game (:

The journey doesnt end here cos i suppose it just begins.
We've set out on a journey and now we just have to keep climbing higher.

However, for these 3 weeks, its books books books.
Exams are here. And because i didnt plan ahead and i chose to spend Asia Cup enjoying myself, i'm left with less than a week for 2 subjects each. I have to make do. And i will. Cos i made a choice. But one that by far i have no regrets.

I cant wait for exams to end.
Cos India here i come! A trip to enjoy myself and see new things.
IHG will begin, where i hope i can play hockey doing everything i love.
Christmas will come too. Well, christmas never was very good for me. Every year something seems to happen, most of the time it revolves around the same stuff. I'm hoping this year will be something fresh and exciting, something happier and good.

Today i've taken quite a break.
Tomorrow onwards i will go home and start endless mugging.

Ha, who'm i kidding right.
But i'll try, i promise i'll try.

Goodnight world.

Where for art thou?

So far, we've lost 13-0 to both China and India.
So far, i've made a terrible mistake that really was very painful.

Tomorrow, Thailand. Our finals.
Do or die.
We've trained a whole year and tomorrow we just have to do it.

Just back from training camp.
This has been vastly different. The feel of it.
Maybe cos this time it felt so comfortable, like we've been together for so long its beginning to feel really like a family. And i must see, i suddenly dont want asia cup to end so soon cos i'll miss them all so so much.
But of course i dont feel like doing all the fitness anymore. Ha.

Waiting for my hall buddies to get back for jz's surprise party!
Suddenly with all our hthts at the training camp, it felt weird when i met nelson downstairs just awhile ago cos i seemed pretty open, forgetting how there's actually an awkwardness when we speak about such topics. Haha.
This double life is tough.
But i love both :D

GO TEAM!!!

I still can get it outta my head.
Yes people make mistakes, but why does mine seem more major always.

Supposed to be at class gathering but i chose to stay home.

Supposed to be doing work but i watched tv, slept, and now im here.

Going back to hall later for a last week of school.
I've no heart for it really.
Planning to slack it off.

Asia Cup, here too fast.

I feel like its taking a strain on me.
I feel like its taking a strain on us.

There's so much pressure mounting up.
We either crumble or become much stronger.

Of course we cannot crumble, its just not an option.

I'm trying my best to survive. And i will. Because i never have not.


Its not about who's right or wrong, its about coming together to find a consensus.
I cant help but admit that all these affect me more than anything.
Because all else can go wrong, but not this.
Because we need this.

Never predict an exam paper.
Never memorise answers.
Just study.

Lesson learnt.
So painful, so costly.

Its so heartwarming reading everyone's entries on how we really are a team.
Because i believe we are.
And nothing will bring us down cos we've come so far.
Yay go team go!!!!!! :D

Tomorrow's my bio test.
I'm far less stressed than i was yesterday i must say. Haha considering i'm sitting here and blogging when my uni life is about to be destroyed in my own hands!!! Disastrous. Oh well, its music that i gotta face and will.

Oh yes, i bought a new stick yesterday. The birth of my new GX8000.
Well, at the moment, it cant beat my silver baby.
But i'm just gonna adapt because, well i guess because i have to!

Bio bio bio.
I knew why i never took it.
But i seemed to have lost that immunity.
And its killing me. GRRRR.
I've to get back to it soon if i wanna have even the slightest hope of doing well come tuesday. I wish i could delay the test even longer and i promise i'd be a good girl and study. But i cant, and i'm screwed. Not to mention the many assignments that i'm putting on hold and lying to my project mates that i'll get it done when i jolly well know i have nothing but time to do it.

Well, as always, weekends are filled.
Lunch this afternoon with my gramps, dad, cousin and aunt. Ultra random combination but well. haha i miss my cousin, she's flying back tonight! Though we dont really meet that much or talk that much, i always feel like we have this convent frequency going thats always nice. haha. And yay, sounds like theres a plan in place for me to go with my aunt and uncle and damien to fly over to melbourne sometime to pay angie a visit, and of course to just sit back, chill out. Cant wait.
Am supposed to be back at stnicks right now with my favourite justicians to celebrate a once in a lifetime thingy with them in my soon-to-be demolished alma mate . But bio held me back. The painnnnnnnnnnn.
Tomorrow, church and then lunch with the other side grandma and aunt.
Then friendly match afternoon-night.
And finally, back to hostel, back to bio, back to assignments, back to hell.

Its always been known that my dad spins stories, you know, pracitising selective hearing and then blabbering things he thought he heard but obviously was never said or definitely misinterpreted. Well last night in the car ride home, he asked how was school and everything and he said maybe i should give up (obviously meaning hockey). And i remarked "if i were to stop anything, it'd be school" meaning that stopping hockey aint an option.
And today, he told my mum, gramps all that i wanna quit school!
Of course there's this whole argument coming into play.
But well, my mum actually came to the room today and told me its fine to stop school. HA.
But of course i'm just going ahead with all this la. What the heck right.

Well before i go back to studying my body,
here's a lil note to my team mates.
Guys, if you feel like you need motivation,  DO NOT READ.
If you'd like to feel encouraged and comforted, then maybe you'd like to know....











Malaysia doesnt run 4km in 15 mins.
They have to run it in 20 mins.
I think the 15 meant to number of rounds.
And if you all would feel great knowing, i think we can do it too :D
See you guys tuesday! For what i predict is gonna be our killer 1000s.


I keep on going because of you guys, no matter how tough it gets.
So lets keep fighting, because giving up right now really isnt an option.

I dont remember if i said this before, but i think SEA Cup really brought us together, a huge step higher. I dont really know how to explain the feeling. Its not just a better bond, but we are just a better team now together.

The thing is i didnt realise how much i miss everyone till yesterday.
In the day, i bumped into wanting in school and we just hugged and it was such a happy moment! Thats when i realised how much i miss her. Then in the evening, i went to catch the floorball and saw like johnson sabri all. Perfect paradox. One team exhibits one end of my life, and the other team the other end.

Well i think i dont really have a point in this post. Ha.

I actually woke up and went for class this morning, amazing.
Well luckily today's only an hour cos one prof aint on campus, woo!

Anyhow, back from SEA Cup.
It was a really enriching experience.
This was a brilliant experience, nothing like any of the other tournaments i've been on. It wasnt so much fun this time really. I think through this, we've grown alot. As a team and as individuals. I hate to admit that maybe the pain that we went through missing our target might actually spur us on. Perhaps mingfen was right, if we had gotten that silver, i dont know how training for the next 3 weeks will be like. Now at least i think i have the feeling that we're all out to get them at Asia Cup, to prove something of ourselves.
Because we know we can.

Being back, i have so many assignments and work left incomplete.
I have these two days before training resumes to settle as much as i can.
But just today alone, i already have no time.
Soon i'll be going for lunch then have to go settle my hostel bill and project all the way later.

Mervyn says my eye bags look like they are gonna burst.
And that i look like a monster back from Thailand. Grr.

And i must mention how i'm touched, by the little notes and gifts from my friends back here in hall (:

I think i'm gonna get a nap before i start work.

We're done with our tournament, finishing 3rd place.
I think thats only cos its impossible for us to sink any lower.

Crappy game with Thailand A.
Shitass umpires.
Unlucky us.
Missed comeback.

The trip in bangkok for SEA Cup has been an emotional rollarcoaster thus far.
I'm honestly quite drained.

I'm trying to focus, and yet i know there's a lot of work to be done.
What can i do.
When i'm here all i wanna do is to concentrate on hockey. When there's free time, i really wanna rest. When i go to sleep at night, i dont wanna be bummed out about geting back to reality in a matter of time.

Yesterday, i scored my first international goal, at my second international game.
The final score was 5-0 to us, against thailand B.
Day one, we lost to malaysia 2-0.
Tomorrow we will face thailand A, which as we all kinda already knew long before that this was to be our utmost crucial game to bring us to the finals.

There's been tears, alot of it, and laughter, alot of it too.
I dont know how the rest of the trip is gonna go, but all i know is that i'm not prepared to get back to reality. Because i'm just gonna realise how badly i'm handling things, how all of these stuff are gonna affect me, how i'm screwed for school.

Sitting here in the lobby, i just cant help feeling so helpless over everything.
Particularly how i can feel so great in one moment, and so crappy the next.

Friday! YAY.

But i'm so so so so so shagged.
This past 2 weeks have been an absolutely killer. Especially the past week. I have people coming to ask why i'm angsty, sad, emo, whatever else. haha well i'm not. But i'm really ever-so tired. If it isnt cos i'm trying to hold a conversation right now, i'd be fast asleep in my bed. Oh and also if it isnt because stupid daohua is taking up half my bed and engaging in some tap tap with my roomie.

Well, this torture aint gonna end.
Not for the next couple of months anyway.
And its gonna get worseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I love saturdays like such, where i settle so many things :)

Dental in the morning. Got my teeth checked and cleaned and a mouthguard made!
Though i hope i end up wearing the mouthguard, kinda worried its gonna be uncomfortable and its all money wasted. Not to mention how it was quite uncomfortable making the mould for my mouth. And the dentist visit hurt :(

Had brunch with my dad and then went to cut my hair!
Mental note to self : always figure out how i want my hair to be cut so i wont be stunned when the hairdresser asks me and end up giving a slipshot answer just so i wont sound stupid.

Took a longgggggg nap all the way through lunch. Woke up in the evening. Watched tv and caught up on some work all at the same time. Ha yeah like thats ever effective.

Mum left for a holiday.
Hopefully the house wont be a wreck in the following week.
And darling max survives under the care of the men in the home.

Yes really hoping. Woke up today from my nap and found out my brother freaking locked the dog in his room without noticing.

Okay i havent posted in awhile because i've been soooooooooo busy.

Last week i was in hall camp, which honestly turned out much better than i expected. In fact i'm ultra glad i went. Because in the past week, the hostel and my fellow hall mates are really the only thing not intimidating and even vaguely enjoyable about university.

Yes, i hate uni.

I guess basically that sums up my life since my last post. Too busy settling into uni with moving in to hostel, making new friends, applying for courses, taking in the shock that comes with everything else.

I dont know how i'm gonna manage the next 6 months.
Frequency of training increasing and studying courses that would literally kill me.

Hate it when i get all moody and touchy. Or at least i'd like to believe thats what i am right now. Hmmmm or perhaps i'm just nearing that stage again, the stage when i lose all control. Crap, i hate being so powerless over this! Grr.

A nice day spent home today. Woke up at 2pm. Settled some stuff, like my driving and university things. Watched tv programmes i used to get edgy missing. Ate homecooked dinner, my absolute favourite really. Took a short nap. A nice hot bath. And here i am. YAY, GREAT DAY <3

But well, routine trainings and upcoming outings ahead in the next few days. And i realised its just about a month before school begins. That sucks. No more lazing around, no more comfy cosy room. Everything is just about to get all busy.

Training resumed last night. It was supposed to be beep test but we ended up doing fitness. Not that i show any preference to either. I'm aching and tired. And i hate the feel of being rusty. Its like even pushing seems so strange now, not to mention how i cant seem to hit properly anymore. Grr, miss the times of a couple months back where we played hockey so so often that it was just a part of me, felt so nice.

I haven't seemed to regain my sleep. Been sleeping so much but it just doesnt seem enough.

Jewel went home to rui this morning :(
I'm sad. She always made me so happy to come home.

Last night i had a conversation that made me recount my past life. Like my cdiv, bdiv, adiv and all. And i realise i really had quite an experience and i miss it all so much. I wont ever have another chance like this to take part in a school league and fight so hard. Thats also because i'm going to a uni with no hockey.

C DIVISION - sngs` 04

B DIVISION - sngs `06

A DIVISION - vjc ` 08
That pretty much sums up my pretty and successful school division hockey life (all in my senior years).
What more could i possibly ask for right?
Each time a perfect team of imperfections, working for and achieving miracles all as one (:

Just came back not long ago (and showered all) from a longgggg but terribly enjoyable night out. I shan't elaborate much but it was definitely eventful and i had great fun (:

After not sleeping for 25hours and counting, i'm surprisingly wide awake.

Now that junior world cup is officially over (sadly?), national women's training begins tomorrow. Back to the gruelling fitness sessions and the fatigue and muscle aches. Yeah, seeing the world cup was indeed motivating, but who're we trying to kid. At least in my hockey career, i doubt i'd ever be able to stand up on that podium and kissing the trophy that's half my size or maybe even bigger. Nevermind, we'll reap rewards in our own form.


I hate the way i was so freakishly confused, so unclear about what i want.

SOOOO i'm officially in my last teen year.
And i must say, i've had a great great birthday this year (:

The night before started with a cute little (though kinda unsuccessful) surprise from my favourite justicians. I really miss each and everyone and i love the way we always meet up, talk and about the same things over and over again but yet its enough and it makes us all so so so happy. I guess 4justice and particularly this group of clowns is what makes my st nicks days ever so memorable. LOVE YOU GUYS!!!


And i didnt have a totally awesome night cos of, fatigue perhaps.
But moving on.....

I spent my day with my awesome college classmates. Okay not really, it was just us 4 girls with kianggei, but hey thats enough. Considering the rest were stuck in army and well i'm satisfied. They wanted to treat me to a feast and refused to tell me where we were going to eat. But the apparent restaurant was no longer existant! haha so i got to choose and i chose hard rock cafe. I've been wanting to go there for quite awhile cos i havent been there since i was a kid i think. I love the way we can be confortably ourselves with each other always. Though i must admit i didnt expect my present and to a certain extent it was disturbing. But nevertheless, MY JOY :D


I spent my late afternoon and evening at junior world cup. Doing duty. How sad huh. But well at least i had great laughs (and moments of utter angst). And i got my skins from my lovely teammates YAY :D and an absolutely cute card. hahaha. And bernetta bought me the cake i've been craving for for so long. So yes, i had a great night. Catching world-class hockey matches and spending time with my hockey friends. Plus after that i went with sab to catch midnight movie hannah montana! (the only premier at that time in the whole of singapore hahaha) My second movie in a row with my lovely friend but no regrets. You're the best sab!


The moments after that were just precious, expensive (and crazy) but unfortunately absolutely secret.

So here's to my awesome friends for the gazillion wishes and for making the start of my nineteenth year ever so beautiful (: